I went digging around the Bridgeport website and found the academic calendar. It's so nice to have the class dates for the next 9 months or so. Lets me see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I finished Nursing 102 on 12/22/2010. That is THREE WEEKS from today. :D Huge grin here :D
Then we get two weeks off for the holidays to actually breathe, unwind and relax.
January 4th we start Med-Surg nursing. I'm sure that's going to kick butt, but I cannot wait until we get there since that's where I work. I'm know I'll learn so much that will help me in my job. That lasts for two and a half months and finishes up March 18th.
Plus! Then we get a week of for spring break! Wheee! (3/19/11 - 3/27/11)
Nu-105 is Pediatrics and Maternity. That's a quick and dirty class that only lasts from March 28th to April 29th. One month quickie. That will be interesting I'm sure and finishing that class means I'm officially done with Level 1 of nursing school!
We start level 2 with Beginning Management of the Client right after Level 1 ends. It's considered a summer class but it runs from May 3rd to June 3rd, another 1 month quickie class.
After that one though we are off the rest of June, July and August and go back September 6th for Psych.
It makes it a bit easier to deal with breaking things down into smaller clumps like that. And it's certainly nice realizing we get 3 months off for the summer. I've been debating taking Microbiology in the spring or in the summer, but knowing I get so much time off in the summer I think I'll definitely take it then instead of stressing myself out even more this spring.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Things I'm thankful for:
Jim. My hubby, best friend and partner in life. Who has stood by me this year when we've had incredible highs and lows. Stood by me through depression, anger and grief. Through school stress and family troubles. Stood by me and held my hand and helped me keep going.
My family. It may be smaller this year than it was last year, and we're certainly spread across the globe this year, but I've been lucky a long time. My Dad was a huge part of my life and loved me and got to see us get married and see me get out on my own. My Mom is one of my best friends and we've gotten much closer over the past year, despite the distance. Russell is an inspiration to me, pursuing medicine and defending our country at the same time. I've got a few new people in my family this year, a brother in law and essentially a sister in law and the in-law parents (even if my MIL is a PITA.) I'm lucky to have them.
My friends. My dinks means the world to me, those crazy people who are spread across the country. Even though we don't get to see each other very much anymore and our lives keep us busy I know we could all still get back together and fall into a conversation like we saw each other yesterday. I know those people would do anything for me and I would do the same for each of them.
My job gives me a reason to get up every day. I love it more than I ever thought it was possible to love a job. You would think that taking care of people would get old or feel degrading, but I only ever feel grateful that I can help someone else to feel better. That I can be that source of comfort.
All the opportunities I've been lucky enough to have. I'm going back to school for my RN, I can afford to work part time while I'm doing this. I was able to get a bachelors degree. I was able to travel outside of the USA and across it. I've known love and friendship and family. I've experienced NYC, the Jersey Shore, Disney World and the Adirondack Mountains and many other wonderful things.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I just want to say thank you.
My family. It may be smaller this year than it was last year, and we're certainly spread across the globe this year, but I've been lucky a long time. My Dad was a huge part of my life and loved me and got to see us get married and see me get out on my own. My Mom is one of my best friends and we've gotten much closer over the past year, despite the distance. Russell is an inspiration to me, pursuing medicine and defending our country at the same time. I've got a few new people in my family this year, a brother in law and essentially a sister in law and the in-law parents (even if my MIL is a PITA.) I'm lucky to have them.
My friends. My dinks means the world to me, those crazy people who are spread across the country. Even though we don't get to see each other very much anymore and our lives keep us busy I know we could all still get back together and fall into a conversation like we saw each other yesterday. I know those people would do anything for me and I would do the same for each of them.
My job gives me a reason to get up every day. I love it more than I ever thought it was possible to love a job. You would think that taking care of people would get old or feel degrading, but I only ever feel grateful that I can help someone else to feel better. That I can be that source of comfort.
All the opportunities I've been lucky enough to have. I'm going back to school for my RN, I can afford to work part time while I'm doing this. I was able to get a bachelors degree. I was able to travel outside of the USA and across it. I've known love and friendship and family. I've experienced NYC, the Jersey Shore, Disney World and the Adirondack Mountains and many other wonderful things.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I just want to say thank you.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Mommy Dearest is back at her tricks.
My mother in law is back at her old tricks.
This year Jim and I want to host Christmas at our place. I've been thinking about it for a long time and really wanted to get to have the family over at our apartment. I've discussed it with my Mom and we both thought it would be really nice to do something different this year. It's going to be hard enough without Dad and with Russell in Iraq we just thought that a totally different tradition would make things a bit easier.
I've been asking Jim and his father to discuss it with Edna for weeks. Al is all for the change but we've been afraid of how Edna would take it. I knew she would either say "oh yeah, what a great idea" or "Um, no honey, Christmas is MY holiday." No ifs and or buts about it.
On Saturday I stopped by their house on my way home from work since I knew Jim was going to be there. He was supposed to have talked to her but when I'd gotten there they hadn't brought it up, so I waited for a moment alone with Edna and then asked her. I told her I really needed something different this year and my Mom as well. I asked her if she would consider letting us host and that I would love it if she would be willing to help us. She seemed to hesitate a moment, so I told her to take some time and think about it.
Instead of actually taking some time she turned around when Jim and Al walked back into the room and asked Al what he thought about Jim and I having Christmas at our house. Al had been in on it from the start so he basically started jumping up and down, grinning and turned around and hugged me, saying "Thank you! That sounds great to me!"
So after that Edna went on to say how she wanted to give us her Christmas-y china set and that they have a card table we can use to seat people. She also started listing off religious decorations she wanted us to have. And how on Thanksgiving we'll announce to the family that Christmas will be at Winter Street this year.
I left the house ecstatic, feeling that things had gone amazingly well.
If only I'd known about the drama that started that night after Jim left and then kept up when Jim went back by the house on Sunday.
As soon as Jim walked in the door Edna started on him about how she was insulted that we are taking Christmas from her. We ganged up on her and stole her favorite holiday. We don't understand how she's had a tough year too and she's always compromising on the things that she wants. She's always expected to give things up to make us happy. It would be fine if we took any other holiday except Christmas because it's her favorite. No one has been there for her this year when she was sick and we didn't visit her when she had her surgery. My Mom has never even seen her house and that insults her. And from there she basically devolved into a screaming maniac and locker herself in her bedroom in the dark and wouldn't speak to anyone. She's just going to sit home on Christmas and we can do whatever we want. Her family is already small and now we're going to destroy everything.
Yeah.
After calming down when I heard all of this from Jim my basic thought is that I am now daughter in law to the worlds most selfish woman.
She never compromises. Unless you consider her starting dinner at 1pm instead of 1:30 as a compromise because I have to be at work at 3pm. She has never been okay with the fact that I occasionally want to have a holiday with MY family and that Jim wants to go with me. That I moved two and half hours away from my family and never get to see them means nothing.
The fact that it would be all the same people that go to her Christmas dinner with the single addition of my Mom makes me confused as to how we're destroying her family.
The fact that my mom has spent all of 12 hours in Connecticut since I moved her over a year ago means that she should be personally insulted that Mom hasn't visited her house. And half of that time was when my Mom came to my house was with my brother a week after Dad had passed away to pick up her old couch. And both times she visited we've asked if they wanted to get together and Edna has had other plans.
We never compromise. Yes well I guess you could say that's true in a way because she will never budge an inch to LET US reach a compromise. We either do whatever she wants to do or we don't get to go. If we want a holiday dinner it's always at her house at 1:30pm, rain or shine, no budging that time or working with anyone else's lives. She wont TELL me that she didn't want to give up Christmas, she just agrees to my face and then talks trash when I'm not around.
And the fact that 'no one' was there for her when she was sick. She got sick at the same time that my Dad was dying. Jim left me the night that Dad died to go home and be with her for her surgery. So yeah, I personally was not there for her when she was sick, I was at home helping my Mom plan my father's funeral. I'm a horrible person and I should suffer forever.
The fact that I asked her ALONE without Jim or Al around is ganging up on her. That I asked her for something that I need, something for me. I need a year that radically different from every other year. I need to not be at home looking at Dads empty chair or thinking about Russell in Iraq or seeing my grandfather weakened from radiation. I don't really see where a post menopausal woman needing a hysterectomy is the devastatingly horrible event that outstrips losing your father at 25. But I'm a selfish bitch, so what do I know?
This kind of bullshit just makes me want to tell her NOT to come to my house. Don't come near me or my house or try and have anything to do with me. I'm going to have a Christmas dinner and she can come or not come as she likes. I will sit home with my Mom if she wants to have her very own dinner with HER family, I don't even want to go to Thanksgiving. I'm done inviting them out for dinner (which I do at LEAST once a month because I feel guilty that we don't see them enough.) I'm sick of accepting her stupid gifts and NO I don't want your fucking nativity scene; take the hint that I'm NOT religious and don't want your damned Bible thumping stuff. So stop shoving your shit on me every time I see you.
This year Jim and I want to host Christmas at our place. I've been thinking about it for a long time and really wanted to get to have the family over at our apartment. I've discussed it with my Mom and we both thought it would be really nice to do something different this year. It's going to be hard enough without Dad and with Russell in Iraq we just thought that a totally different tradition would make things a bit easier.
I've been asking Jim and his father to discuss it with Edna for weeks. Al is all for the change but we've been afraid of how Edna would take it. I knew she would either say "oh yeah, what a great idea" or "Um, no honey, Christmas is MY holiday." No ifs and or buts about it.
On Saturday I stopped by their house on my way home from work since I knew Jim was going to be there. He was supposed to have talked to her but when I'd gotten there they hadn't brought it up, so I waited for a moment alone with Edna and then asked her. I told her I really needed something different this year and my Mom as well. I asked her if she would consider letting us host and that I would love it if she would be willing to help us. She seemed to hesitate a moment, so I told her to take some time and think about it.
Instead of actually taking some time she turned around when Jim and Al walked back into the room and asked Al what he thought about Jim and I having Christmas at our house. Al had been in on it from the start so he basically started jumping up and down, grinning and turned around and hugged me, saying "Thank you! That sounds great to me!"
So after that Edna went on to say how she wanted to give us her Christmas-y china set and that they have a card table we can use to seat people. She also started listing off religious decorations she wanted us to have. And how on Thanksgiving we'll announce to the family that Christmas will be at Winter Street this year.
I left the house ecstatic, feeling that things had gone amazingly well.
If only I'd known about the drama that started that night after Jim left and then kept up when Jim went back by the house on Sunday.
As soon as Jim walked in the door Edna started on him about how she was insulted that we are taking Christmas from her. We ganged up on her and stole her favorite holiday. We don't understand how she's had a tough year too and she's always compromising on the things that she wants. She's always expected to give things up to make us happy. It would be fine if we took any other holiday except Christmas because it's her favorite. No one has been there for her this year when she was sick and we didn't visit her when she had her surgery. My Mom has never even seen her house and that insults her. And from there she basically devolved into a screaming maniac and locker herself in her bedroom in the dark and wouldn't speak to anyone. She's just going to sit home on Christmas and we can do whatever we want. Her family is already small and now we're going to destroy everything.
Yeah.
After calming down when I heard all of this from Jim my basic thought is that I am now daughter in law to the worlds most selfish woman.
She never compromises. Unless you consider her starting dinner at 1pm instead of 1:30 as a compromise because I have to be at work at 3pm. She has never been okay with the fact that I occasionally want to have a holiday with MY family and that Jim wants to go with me. That I moved two and half hours away from my family and never get to see them means nothing.
The fact that it would be all the same people that go to her Christmas dinner with the single addition of my Mom makes me confused as to how we're destroying her family.
The fact that my mom has spent all of 12 hours in Connecticut since I moved her over a year ago means that she should be personally insulted that Mom hasn't visited her house. And half of that time was when my Mom came to my house was with my brother a week after Dad had passed away to pick up her old couch. And both times she visited we've asked if they wanted to get together and Edna has had other plans.
We never compromise. Yes well I guess you could say that's true in a way because she will never budge an inch to LET US reach a compromise. We either do whatever she wants to do or we don't get to go. If we want a holiday dinner it's always at her house at 1:30pm, rain or shine, no budging that time or working with anyone else's lives. She wont TELL me that she didn't want to give up Christmas, she just agrees to my face and then talks trash when I'm not around.
And the fact that 'no one' was there for her when she was sick. She got sick at the same time that my Dad was dying. Jim left me the night that Dad died to go home and be with her for her surgery. So yeah, I personally was not there for her when she was sick, I was at home helping my Mom plan my father's funeral. I'm a horrible person and I should suffer forever.
The fact that I asked her ALONE without Jim or Al around is ganging up on her. That I asked her for something that I need, something for me. I need a year that radically different from every other year. I need to not be at home looking at Dads empty chair or thinking about Russell in Iraq or seeing my grandfather weakened from radiation. I don't really see where a post menopausal woman needing a hysterectomy is the devastatingly horrible event that outstrips losing your father at 25. But I'm a selfish bitch, so what do I know?
This kind of bullshit just makes me want to tell her NOT to come to my house. Don't come near me or my house or try and have anything to do with me. I'm going to have a Christmas dinner and she can come or not come as she likes. I will sit home with my Mom if she wants to have her very own dinner with HER family, I don't even want to go to Thanksgiving. I'm done inviting them out for dinner (which I do at LEAST once a month because I feel guilty that we don't see them enough.) I'm sick of accepting her stupid gifts and NO I don't want your fucking nativity scene; take the hint that I'm NOT religious and don't want your damned Bible thumping stuff. So stop shoving your shit on me every time I see you.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Dx: Life. Ineffectual Coping
I've been thinking about how nursing school's different from traditional academia. Yes we have exams and lab but it's nothing like a science class lab or anything I've ever experienced. We're assigned hundreds of pages to read each week and without fail each week I do not do it. It can't be helped, maybe if I didn't have a job and had no aspirations for anything resembling a life I would be able to get all the reading done, but that's not the world I live in.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do occasionally peruse my texts, and I carry my ATI books with me almost everywhere, but most of the time the dozen or so books that are 2000 pages long and weigh 10 lbs a piece... are decorating shelves. The lecture outlines tend to contain all I need for the tests. So long as I payed attention in class and took good notes I tend to do fine but even then I usually feel slightly like I'm training for the Olympics but I don't know what event I'll be competing in.
Take this exam for instance.
We spent 4 hours of lecture time going over medication types and odds are I wont be asked anything about the meds, the side effects or the contraindications that was 80% of the material. Odds are I'm going to get 4 different questions on whether or not certain meds should be taken with food or water or whatnot because those are the common sense things real nurses need. It's utterly useless to try and remember all the side effects they list for anticoagulants because when I actually get assigned an anticoagulant I'll inevitably find 17 other side effects that weren't listed and three that were don't fit this med.
It's incredibly frustrating at times.
I'm trying to take school in stride and adapt to this new way of learning but there are times where I miss the comforts of the past year. We didn't have a lot of money, but enough to pay the bills. I had time to go home if I wanted to, time to relax and actually enjoy my hobbies. Time to work out and time to sleep!
Now I barely feel like I have time to breath without someone else wanting something from me.
They expect more from us at school, or someone needs me to switch at work or wants help on their homework or help with their kids.
My online class suddenly requires us to come in for observations and the class I need to register for in the spring is filling up quickly but I don't have time to go sign up for it.
I have guilt spilling out of my ears that I haven't sent my brother a care package in Iraq yet, that I can't get home more to keep my Mom company, that I can't be with my grandparents as my grandfather is going through radiation, that I can't call my friends more often, that I can't help my husband out more around the house.
I'm stretched so thin that I feel inadequate at life right now.
They say to give it your all. Give it all you've got. I'm trying so hard to do that but there just isn't must left in me right now. I gave it all away, lost it, when we lost him.
Saturday marks six months since Dad died. Six months since one of the pillars of my life faded away forever. Six months that I've spent empty.
I get so angry sometimes I want to rip things apart.
I've done things right. I barely ever got in trouble. I did good in school. I didn't drink or do drugs. I went to college. I worked as much as I could. I met a nice guy and we got married. I decided to try an new career before wasting more money in school. I didn't have any children I wasn't prepared to care for. I found the career I was meant to pursue and I'm going after it.
But none of that matters anymore. When we found out Dad was dying I would have given anything to have had a child in high school. To have been able to let my Dad be a grandpa and give my kids the opportunity to know him.
My Dad died and I've always felt that he wondered where this book-nerd daughter came from. With few friends and even fewer boyfriends.
It's only now, in this depression that I can see how I truly am. I miss the outdoors and the solitude that we had in NY. I miss hiking unmanned fields and woods and following animal trails to the lakes and brooks. Flying kites over the hills and wading down frozen streams to catch minnows in the pools.
I hid myself in books because I dream of fantastic things. I wish there really were dragons and hobbits and magic. I used to stand outside during thunderstorms wishing for the power to control the weather. I'd fly a thousand miles if I only had wings.
I miss singing. Uninhibited screeching at the top of my lungs. No concern whether or not I was on pitch or disturbing the neighbors or forgetting the words.
Most of the time I don't like to listen to music now. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of Dad. I listen to books on tape a lot. Hide in that reality instead of this one.
This reality is lacking.
One more day.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do occasionally peruse my texts, and I carry my ATI books with me almost everywhere, but most of the time the dozen or so books that are 2000 pages long and weigh 10 lbs a piece... are decorating shelves. The lecture outlines tend to contain all I need for the tests. So long as I payed attention in class and took good notes I tend to do fine but even then I usually feel slightly like I'm training for the Olympics but I don't know what event I'll be competing in.
Take this exam for instance.
We spent 4 hours of lecture time going over medication types and odds are I wont be asked anything about the meds, the side effects or the contraindications that was 80% of the material. Odds are I'm going to get 4 different questions on whether or not certain meds should be taken with food or water or whatnot because those are the common sense things real nurses need. It's utterly useless to try and remember all the side effects they list for anticoagulants because when I actually get assigned an anticoagulant I'll inevitably find 17 other side effects that weren't listed and three that were don't fit this med.
It's incredibly frustrating at times.
I'm trying to take school in stride and adapt to this new way of learning but there are times where I miss the comforts of the past year. We didn't have a lot of money, but enough to pay the bills. I had time to go home if I wanted to, time to relax and actually enjoy my hobbies. Time to work out and time to sleep!
Now I barely feel like I have time to breath without someone else wanting something from me.
They expect more from us at school, or someone needs me to switch at work or wants help on their homework or help with their kids.
My online class suddenly requires us to come in for observations and the class I need to register for in the spring is filling up quickly but I don't have time to go sign up for it.
I have guilt spilling out of my ears that I haven't sent my brother a care package in Iraq yet, that I can't get home more to keep my Mom company, that I can't be with my grandparents as my grandfather is going through radiation, that I can't call my friends more often, that I can't help my husband out more around the house.
I'm stretched so thin that I feel inadequate at life right now.
They say to give it your all. Give it all you've got. I'm trying so hard to do that but there just isn't must left in me right now. I gave it all away, lost it, when we lost him.
Saturday marks six months since Dad died. Six months since one of the pillars of my life faded away forever. Six months that I've spent empty.
I get so angry sometimes I want to rip things apart.
I've done things right. I barely ever got in trouble. I did good in school. I didn't drink or do drugs. I went to college. I worked as much as I could. I met a nice guy and we got married. I decided to try an new career before wasting more money in school. I didn't have any children I wasn't prepared to care for. I found the career I was meant to pursue and I'm going after it.
But none of that matters anymore. When we found out Dad was dying I would have given anything to have had a child in high school. To have been able to let my Dad be a grandpa and give my kids the opportunity to know him.
My Dad died and I've always felt that he wondered where this book-nerd daughter came from. With few friends and even fewer boyfriends.
It's only now, in this depression that I can see how I truly am. I miss the outdoors and the solitude that we had in NY. I miss hiking unmanned fields and woods and following animal trails to the lakes and brooks. Flying kites over the hills and wading down frozen streams to catch minnows in the pools.
I hid myself in books because I dream of fantastic things. I wish there really were dragons and hobbits and magic. I used to stand outside during thunderstorms wishing for the power to control the weather. I'd fly a thousand miles if I only had wings.
I miss singing. Uninhibited screeching at the top of my lungs. No concern whether or not I was on pitch or disturbing the neighbors or forgetting the words.
Most of the time I don't like to listen to music now. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of Dad. I listen to books on tape a lot. Hide in that reality instead of this one.
This reality is lacking.
One more day.
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