There are stupid things, little things, that keep popping up and reminding me of you. A fleeting glimpse of something so insignificant, so trivial, that it shouldn't even matter and yet it brings me back to those weeks of pain and love and loss.
I was flipping through netflix instant view options for some background noise while I study and the miniseries "Tin Man" popped up. We watched it together while you were still lucid, while you were still really you.
Is it always going to be this way? I wait around for something to trigger me and knock me back to the ground. A song is like a sucker-punch and I'm desperate for the hit. I miss you. I'm sure I'll always miss you.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Going under the knife
Tonsillectomies are more intimidating than they should be.
I have to have my tonsils out in two weeks. I'm really not looking forward to it because they say that it's horrendously painful for adults to have their tonsils out. Compared to young children's recovery time of 2-3 days, for adults it's 10-14. But compared to the yearly tonsil flare ups and the recurrent vomiting that's happening now because of them being so inflamed I'm hoping that it is worth it in the end. I also just can't afford to get sick and have another major tonsil attack during the school year so I have to try and get them out now when I have the time.
Thankfully I had a 9 day vacation from school coming up so the surgery is planned for day three of that, which will hopefully give me enough recovery time before I have to go back to school. Jim's on vacation too so he'll be taking care of me throughout my recovery. Lot's of ice-pops and water.
Realistically I know it's a very minor surgery, but I am still scared about it. Wish me luck.
I have to have my tonsils out in two weeks. I'm really not looking forward to it because they say that it's horrendously painful for adults to have their tonsils out. Compared to young children's recovery time of 2-3 days, for adults it's 10-14. But compared to the yearly tonsil flare ups and the recurrent vomiting that's happening now because of them being so inflamed I'm hoping that it is worth it in the end. I also just can't afford to get sick and have another major tonsil attack during the school year so I have to try and get them out now when I have the time.
Thankfully I had a 9 day vacation from school coming up so the surgery is planned for day three of that, which will hopefully give me enough recovery time before I have to go back to school. Jim's on vacation too so he'll be taking care of me throughout my recovery. Lot's of ice-pops and water.
Realistically I know it's a very minor surgery, but I am still scared about it. Wish me luck.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Probably TMI
I've been feeling kinda crappy lately. It's a sort of hodgepodge of depression and illness just rolled into me feeling so funky that I haven't wanted to get out of bed for days.
My tonsils are acting up again. Surprise surprise. The right one is all puffy and hard again. I don't have a sore throat feeling, it's more that I feel like I'm swallowing around a golf ball all the time. Plus I've gotten to the point were it's starting to make me gag. I've been steadily getting nauseated after brushing my teeth for a few weeks now and last week after brushing I got so nauseated that I threw up/dry heaved for about an hour. I ended up missing a day of clinical and bursting a blood vessel in the middle of my forehead (which looks AWESOME, by the way.)
I spent the rest of the day feeling like something the cat threw up and I'm still not feeling stellar three days later.
I'll be calling the ENT later today to see if I can get an appointment. They told me a couple years ago I needed my tonsils out. It looks like it's finally time to bite the bullet.
My tonsils are acting up again. Surprise surprise. The right one is all puffy and hard again. I don't have a sore throat feeling, it's more that I feel like I'm swallowing around a golf ball all the time. Plus I've gotten to the point were it's starting to make me gag. I've been steadily getting nauseated after brushing my teeth for a few weeks now and last week after brushing I got so nauseated that I threw up/dry heaved for about an hour. I ended up missing a day of clinical and bursting a blood vessel in the middle of my forehead (which looks AWESOME, by the way.)
I spent the rest of the day feeling like something the cat threw up and I'm still not feeling stellar three days later.
I'll be calling the ENT later today to see if I can get an appointment. They told me a couple years ago I needed my tonsils out. It looks like it's finally time to bite the bullet.
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