Bad news is that the reason I'm feeling better is that I'm filled with anger. Anger is easier to deal with than sadness any day. Not surprisingly my anger is directed towards my lovely MIL.
Close friends will remember the drama after my father died and the roller coaster of holiday related passive aggressive behavior the year after. It seems that absolutely nothing has changed and the world must still seemingly orbit around her.
I'll hit the bullet points if you don't know what I'm talking about.
- 2009 Dad has cancer. Enters hospice. MIL needs hysterectomy. Her surgery same day as Dad's passing. DH had to leave deathbed to sit in waiting room for hysterectomy to support MIL. MIL still complains family wasn't supportive during HER tough time. (No, I still haven't gotten over it.)
- 2009 Christmas. Brother overseas for holidays. First year without Dad. Most of extended family in California, invite mother to CT for Christmas. Plan to host Christmas at apartment so Mom and I will be kept busy. Discuss with MIL in November. She agrees and seems supportive.
- 24 hours later MIL calls DH and claims we stole her favorite holiday, went behind her back and that we don't care that she had a rough year. (MIL mind= hysterectomy > dead father)
- MIL completely unwilling to compromise. States she will have Christmas alone if we do not agree to come to her house as same time as usual. Still no reference to my mother's being in CT or her prior willingness to share. Eventually 'compromise' that we can have late dinner and she'll do early lunch Christmas day.
- Christmas Day: MIL 'lunch' happens at 3pm. *rage*
- New years to date: Minimal contact with MIL. DH visits alone for most for events and I work most holidays. MIL laments that 'no one ever visits anymore.' Truth in fact.
We spent last years Thanksgiving (I left early for work) and Christmas (was supposed to be at work but got the day off last minute) at her house crammed into her tiny kitchen doing all the work for her. Of course no one is allowed to bring anything to holiday dinners, but SIL and I are expected to show up and do her bidding. Especially ironic when SIL is expected to finish making food that she cannot eat (gluten allergy) and I'm expected to prepare food I wont eat (pepperoni.) Then we must thank MIL for having us and tell her how delicious everything is. (Note: Dear MIL, turkey should NEVER come out of a microwave. I never knew something with the consistency of a pencil eraser could be so dry.)
Which brings us to this year. The year after we bought a big new house, with a huge dining room table and a big kitchen. Once again my brother will be overseas and once again I crave the distraction of hosting friends and family at my house. October comes and DH discussed Christmas with MIL.
It's like talking to a wall.
"Christmas is my favorite holiday." Really?? You must be the only one with that feeling. It's not like I gave up my family to move to a different state to be with your son or anything. (I love my husband but yes, I do still get very bitter about this.) I shouldn't expect to get to see them every year, that's just ridiculous.
"It's the only time people visit anymore." Did it ever occur to you that the reason no one visits anymore is because you act like a raging thunder@#nt so often that we just can't bear to be around you?! Remember how before this all happened your we got dinner together every week or two? That was because of ME not wanting to take your baby from you, not because he was dying to see you.
Christmas when I grew up was a time to be with family. ALL family. We rotated holidays among the grandparents and siblings to everyone got a turn and everyone compromised to make it so that we could SEE each other and spend time together. Being around such a self centered individual makes me not even want to celebrate the holiday. I'd rather volunteer to work than be embroiled in the MIL family circus. It's the only way I feel that my DH doesn't feel forced to choose. When it becomes our family Christmas vs MIL's Christmas he is stuck in the middle. I can't force my husband to not see his mother. So once again I'll take myself out of the picture. Another holiday lost. Seems like the magic is gone from this one anyway.
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