On to maternity!!

I scraped up a 91 on my final for Med Surg which brought my grade for the whole class up to a 89.6 and they ROUND UP!

Which means I got an A!!! My first A in nursing school!! Makes me feel vindicated about cutting back my hours at work. I actually can do this well :)

The other day I half-heartedly tried to light a fire under Jim's ass about doing something with his life. Something more than working a job he only tolerates that basically chains him to this area for the rest of his life because the position is so specific that it just doesn't exist anywhere else. He's been taking classes to get certified as a systems administrator for oh.. about two years now. It's only 4 classes. He's less than serious about it. Which leads me to believe that even if he does finish the class he'll never look into a job as a systems administrator because he's comfortable where he is now.

F U comfortable. Ugh.

I doubt anything will come of it but I wish he'd at least try to do something. He's mentioned to me before that he's disappointed in how much he's accomplished in his 34 years but he never makes any attempt to change things or to go out and DO something. At least he hasn't yet.

At some point you just have to take a f@%*ing leap and do something with your life. Go bold or go home.

It's a little frustrating sometimes thinking that our future is entirely in my hands. If we want a home (I dream of LAND) I'm going to be the one to make it happen. If we want to travel I'm going to be the one to push for it. If we want to live somewhere besides southwestern Connecticut I'm going to be the one who makes it happen. And it seems most likely that I'll be doing all of this without any help from Jim. He'll come along (I hope), terrified of change, and I'll feel horrible for turning his life upside down. His safe little comfortable life. Like he had before we got married. Ugh :(

Maybe that's the difference between us. He seems to be okay just being comfortable. He never wants anything. I'm filled with wants that I'm unwilling to compromise on.

I wanted more than a job that just pays the bills and a room to keep my stuff in. And I'm a stubborn, bullish, pushy bitch when it comes to getting my way. I constantly talk about my dreams of a home with a couple acres of SUNSHINE and a swimming pool and laughing children and mountain breezes. I fill with joy when I leave work after a good shift where I really felt like I got to help someone and I am ecstatic when I think that I can do this for the rest of my life. I dream of taking a cruise around the Mediterranean, or a biking tour of Great Britain, or a week relaxing on a beach in Belize with days alternating between climbing Mayan temples and swinging in a hammock with a rum drink in my hand. I yearn for my college friends that filled every day with laughter and talking and friendship at a level that I still don't think Jim's ever experienced.

And I know with unfailing confidence that somehow I'll make it happen. I'll revel in that each day and keep working towards my dreams. I wish I could give him some of this determination. I wish I didn't feel like I was going for it all alone.