Jim and I had a big, real, screaming fight the other day.
Probably one of our first where I got loud, and, come to think of it, I don't think Jim got loud at all. He mostly tried to hide from me.
Now mostly our relationship is fantastic. We rarely fight and when we do it's usually small spats about daily annoyances ("Goddammit, move your damned SHOES, I'm sick of falling over them!" Type fights.) We're out of the lovey dovey, always cuddley phase and are comfortable with each other. It really was a pretty smooth transition from long distance to living together, I think we did pretty well. There has been one issue that's bothered me throughout our relationship that has kind of snowballed now that I'm living with Jim and going to school.
He's ALWAYS late for work. And I don't mean 10 minutes, I mean an hour or TWO every single day. We've had talks about it, I've tried asking nicely, I've tried setting two alarms, I've even tried to bribe him with... nevermind, hehe. And still, he goes in late everyday, regardless of the fact that he's admitted that he knows he'd lose his job if his boss found out and that he's aware that this is not acceptable behavior, he still just doesn't change.
Wednesday, when I got home at 11am after my morning lab and he was still at the house (he's supposed to be at work at 11, and it's a 30 minute drive) I just lost it. I forgot all my nice, calm, rational thoughts and I became the ranting bitch for about 15 minutes.
I told him how I can't handle the added stress he puts on me by doing this everyday. The knowledge that when (not if) his boss finds out and he gets fired I'll have to drop out of school to support us. I told him how it hurts me that he doesn't seem to care that he does this and how it does effect me, because to me it's him acknowledging doing the one thing that puts our relationship and risk and still doing it over and over again as if he had no cares in the world about securing our future.
I told him that I'm sick of the excuses. Everyday there is some new reason why he couldn't get up on time (he couldn't sleep, the cats were too noisy, he was still really tired) and I'm sick of it. I have nursing classes starting 8am three days a week that go until midafternoon, then I have 9 hour shifts at the hospital from 3 to midnight, yet I still manage to get back up at 6am for class the next morning. Doesn't he think I might be tired after an 18 hour day and then four hours sleep before starting all over again?! And yet I manage to be on time to my job every day, hell, 99% of the time I'm early! He's had the same job and same schedule for the past EIGHT years. He can have a damn routine so that he shouldn't be so sleep deprived (if you can call getting 8 hours a night deprived, I can't.) And yet he still can't manage to get there on time.
He said he's going to change, but he's said that before. Yesterday he was on time. Today is 10:20 am and he's still in bed, even though he needs to stop at his parents and feed their animals before going to work. He's going to be late again.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I hate feeling like his mother. Like I need to go wake him up every morning like he's ten years old and dress him for school. Grrrrr, I guess it can't always be marital bliss.
I'm going to go throw a cat on him.
Dave's late, too...and he's a boss. I think I'm more frustrated that his whole job, on one hand, controls much of his life and, on the other hand, is so lax with its rules. (Hard to explain. Journalism in a small city.) It's annoying, but we fight over bigger, more embarrassing things. I guess all relationships have that; we're humans, we're not perfect, and it sucks that we can't make others perfect. Have you guys talked about it since? In this case, I can definitely see where you'd be frustrated -- your schedule's craaaaazy! I'm glad you've found ways of working through issues...such as cat-throwing. ;-) Love you both, you'll undoubtedly be fine in the end!
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