Passive Aggressive post will be passive aggressive

Dear Neighborchildren,

Your plastic, three wheeled, noise-making devil bikes are going to disappear if you leave them in my driveway one more time. Either that or I'm 'not' going to see them next time I have to back down the driveway.

If you insist on riding the damn bikes up and down MY driveway just outside of my bedroom window AND my office window so I can get NO peace and quiet, then at least put the things away when you are done playing with them.

Thank you.

Love,

That crazy looking chick in nursing scrubs who most days leaves at the crack of dawn and comes home around midnight dragging a full backpack and glaring evilly at your parents for parking their cars half across her driveway.





Dear Neighborspawn (I say spawn, because I cannot find it in myself to call you people),

In case you hadn't noticed, this is a quiet street. People bring in their trashcans in the morning and keep their yards tidy and hang flowers from their porches. The vast majority of them also appear to have 9-5 jobs during the weekdays. They seem to mostly be nice, polite families.

Let me give you some tips.

Jobs:

Most people have them. It is something you should aspire to get. It lets you get out of the house during the day! And they give you money! Which you can use to buy things! Like trash bags!! Yay!

And speaking of...


Trashbags:

They Go AROUND Garbage.

THEN the garbage (which is now contained in the bag) gets placed into the TRASHCAN.

THEN (and don't despair this is the last step!) You take the LID to the TRASHCAN and close all that trashy goodness away from those fun animals that like to eat rancid foodstuffs.

Wheeee!


Children:

You have several! We've all noticed. They like to bike ride and yell. A lot. The little one tends to also cry a lot. Buuuuuut there are studies that have shown that when you do things like pay attention to your own children and do things such as sending them to school they cease to be obnoxious sobbing noisemakers (at least not ALL of the time.) Paying attention to your children and caring for them when they cry is also part of a bizarre activity called "Parenting." Believe it or not, you joined the "parenting club" when the squalling noisemakers escaped your loins. For the love of jeebus, give it a try.


Acceptable noise levels:

You like music. We all like music. We all like DIFFERENT music. Should the neighborhood develop a love of Hispanic rap music I'm sure they all know whose house to have the block party at. Until that time please keep the stereo volume in your car down to levels soft enough to NOT rattle the windows in neighboring houses. Especially as you seem to have a love of leaving your car radio running for most of the day and loitering *cough* I mean... relaxing, in front of your house.

Anywhoo, that's all the tips I have for you today. Hope you take them into consideration.

Love,

The lady next door who is forced to vacate her porch every time you come outside for fear of being accosted by the... gentlemen *coughdrugdealerscough* you so frequently host.